Monday, November 14, 2011, 2:41 PM
I stopped in at Bookman's a picked up a copy of Shirley MacLaine’s book The Camino: a Journey of the Spirit. While having lunch at a local, inexpensive, Mexican Restaurant I began to read. Spoke to my daughter who is giving me much frustration and had to just let go of attempting to control the situation. She is a grown woman who in my estimation is not making very good choices right now. But, she is making them and all I can do is tell her what I think, then sit and worry about the outcome. I am fearful that something will happen to her which I cannot stand to think about. She is flying across the country to see a man/boy she is obsessed with calling it love. I don’t trust him, nor like him because of his behaviors toward her which have caused her great distress. Even so she is off and all I can to is wait for her to return, hopefully alive and well.
The Camino starts here in Flagstaff, AZ.
Read more: http://blog.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/cookecarl/1/1323629666/tpod.html#ixzz1hInwaA45
Thursday, December 22, 2011
June 15, 2011, 12:40 pm
Flight 145 Heathrow to Boston
Well did not get to Austria, or France, or Ireland, or Scotland or even Liverpool this year. And now I'm heading home early which feels like the right thing to be doing at this point. Not having almost unlimited funds as I’ve had for the past two years is part or the reason. Needing to get back and take care of a number to things having to do with getting ready for next year’s tax season. Also feeling like I’m needing to be with my son on his birthday and Father’s day. This year there was no mother for my daughter’s birthday, or to celebrate Mother’s day or her birthday in May and now no mother at his birthday. So rather than spend any more money and dealing with not so nice weather I’m heading home.
Several things have come to mind this year as I traveled that will apply to my trip next year. The first it that my previous trips all had some goal attached to them. All those goals have been reached which is one of the reasons I floundered around this year attempting to find some purpose. Next I felt stuck, gee there’s a new one, by not doing better planning on the events I volunteered at during the Festival. The time between them required me to spend more time in Salisbury than ever before. There was really no need to wait for a special order tire, which if I had paid more attention/focus just by looking at the one good tire already on the bike. Focus or the lack there of was probably the biggest problem. Then the weather was the worst I’ve run into since coming over here. In the past I’ve had lots of rain which was not a problem because it was warm and there was little wind.
This year was much colder and windier than any previous year. Wind blowing so hard that it almost stopped me from going forward while riding. Almost daily wind, rain, and cooler temperatures then on prior trips caused my bones to ache. This along with a lack of direction or focus, my mind more back in the states then here left me unsmiling. Not all the time, but a good deal of it I checked in on myself and found no smile or wonderment on my face. I found that even the birds, which sang me to sleep and woke me up in the past, went unheard. Each of my previous trips ended being a spiritual renewal that seemed not to be possible this year. A thought that kept running through my head was To much death this year, to many lives cut short and mind goes on. Where is my gratitude?
So I found on line this site that talks about the process of a Pilgrimage. A pilgrimage is most likely what my previous trips turned out to be. So the following are the steps:
1. Feeling what it means to be a pilgrim.
2. Reading the signs along the way as the journey takes on a life of its own.
3. Awareness of companions along the way and why are they there.
4. History of the story we witness as we journey: Spiritual, historical, and political.
5. As you travel you become part to the story, no longer an observer.
6. Seeing where heaven and earth touch, seeing with the eye of you spirit
7. Affirmation. Opening up to what needs to be confronted or what is revealed.
In retrospect the pilgrimage this year did not reveal itself until I made the decision to return home early. Then and only then did the bigger pilgrimage I’ve been on become visible from the smaller. Gary and I talk often about things happening when they are supposed to not necessarily in tune with when we think they should. People, time and time again, ask me what drove me to do this bike riding in England. Each time I answer them only I miss the answer. I’m saying I dreamed of doing this for a long time yet only just found a way to do it. Which seems to say that other things had more priority then doing this so it could not have been a very important dream could it? What I really mean is in my mind was a hope that this would come to pass when it was mean to. Not after doing it I’d which I’d done it sooner because it would have meant the same.
The first trip happened at a time when it was most needed. Subsequent trips happened because the first did not give me enough time to complete the pilgrimage, not that it is completed now. The bigger pilgrimage, my life, will not be finished until I die. The smaller pilgrimages which create the bigger one are by no means over either. The England Pilgrimage may be over, or needs to be looked at in a different context. So it will become, at this point, England Pilgrimage II, because I think England Pilgrimage I has been complete thus this years feeling of being lost may be the beginning of England Pilgrimage II.
Step One: Feeling what it means to be a pilgrim.
I think back to Gary and I talking about his Pilgrimage to Spain and Walking the Camino Santi Ago(?).
Read more: http://blog.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/cookecarl/1/1323633518/tpod.html#ixzz1hIgaRdjB
Flight 145 Heathrow to Boston
Well did not get to Austria, or France, or Ireland, or Scotland or even Liverpool this year. And now I'm heading home early which feels like the right thing to be doing at this point. Not having almost unlimited funds as I’ve had for the past two years is part or the reason. Needing to get back and take care of a number to things having to do with getting ready for next year’s tax season. Also feeling like I’m needing to be with my son on his birthday and Father’s day. This year there was no mother for my daughter’s birthday, or to celebrate Mother’s day or her birthday in May and now no mother at his birthday. So rather than spend any more money and dealing with not so nice weather I’m heading home.
Several things have come to mind this year as I traveled that will apply to my trip next year. The first it that my previous trips all had some goal attached to them. All those goals have been reached which is one of the reasons I floundered around this year attempting to find some purpose. Next I felt stuck, gee there’s a new one, by not doing better planning on the events I volunteered at during the Festival. The time between them required me to spend more time in Salisbury than ever before. There was really no need to wait for a special order tire, which if I had paid more attention/focus just by looking at the one good tire already on the bike. Focus or the lack there of was probably the biggest problem. Then the weather was the worst I’ve run into since coming over here. In the past I’ve had lots of rain which was not a problem because it was warm and there was little wind.
This year was much colder and windier than any previous year. Wind blowing so hard that it almost stopped me from going forward while riding. Almost daily wind, rain, and cooler temperatures then on prior trips caused my bones to ache. This along with a lack of direction or focus, my mind more back in the states then here left me unsmiling. Not all the time, but a good deal of it I checked in on myself and found no smile or wonderment on my face. I found that even the birds, which sang me to sleep and woke me up in the past, went unheard. Each of my previous trips ended being a spiritual renewal that seemed not to be possible this year. A thought that kept running through my head was To much death this year, to many lives cut short and mind goes on. Where is my gratitude?
So I found on line this site that talks about the process of a Pilgrimage. A pilgrimage is most likely what my previous trips turned out to be. So the following are the steps:
1. Feeling what it means to be a pilgrim.
2. Reading the signs along the way as the journey takes on a life of its own.
3. Awareness of companions along the way and why are they there.
4. History of the story we witness as we journey: Spiritual, historical, and political.
5. As you travel you become part to the story, no longer an observer.
6. Seeing where heaven and earth touch, seeing with the eye of you spirit
7. Affirmation. Opening up to what needs to be confronted or what is revealed.
In retrospect the pilgrimage this year did not reveal itself until I made the decision to return home early. Then and only then did the bigger pilgrimage I’ve been on become visible from the smaller. Gary and I talk often about things happening when they are supposed to not necessarily in tune with when we think they should. People, time and time again, ask me what drove me to do this bike riding in England. Each time I answer them only I miss the answer. I’m saying I dreamed of doing this for a long time yet only just found a way to do it. Which seems to say that other things had more priority then doing this so it could not have been a very important dream could it? What I really mean is in my mind was a hope that this would come to pass when it was mean to. Not after doing it I’d which I’d done it sooner because it would have meant the same.
The first trip happened at a time when it was most needed. Subsequent trips happened because the first did not give me enough time to complete the pilgrimage, not that it is completed now. The bigger pilgrimage, my life, will not be finished until I die. The smaller pilgrimages which create the bigger one are by no means over either. The England Pilgrimage may be over, or needs to be looked at in a different context. So it will become, at this point, England Pilgrimage II, because I think England Pilgrimage I has been complete thus this years feeling of being lost may be the beginning of England Pilgrimage II.
Step One: Feeling what it means to be a pilgrim.
I think back to Gary and I talking about his Pilgrimage to Spain and Walking the Camino Santi Ago(?).
Read more: http://blog.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/cookecarl/1/1323633518/tpod.html#ixzz1hIgaRdjB
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The Camino de Santiago de Compostela (The Way of St James)
The Camino de Santiago de Compostela (The Way of
St James)
Wednesday, November 09, 2011, 3:44 PM
In 2004 my friend G stated he was going to Spain
to walk The Camino de Santiago de Compostela and would be gone for 2 or 4 months. At the mention of the Camino Shirley McLain’s
book Out on a Limb flashed through my brain. It came out in 1983 and I remembered reading
it because I have always loved Shirley, and it was on the NY Times best seller
list. But, I could not remember much
about the book as we talked. It passed
from my mind, other than the remembrance of things I use to believe. Of all the books I’d read during the 60’s, 70’s
and 80’s before I became a counselor and left that world mostly behind.
Gary had been talking about doing this for a
while now, so I was surprised that he was really going to do it. We discussed his fears and his wondering if
he recent strip of lost items were an omen.
He was gone and since he had no computer or SKYPE I did not hear from
him for four months. Now, I thought this
was an interesting journey, but nothing I’d be interested in on two
counts. First I don’t like the idea for
carrying stuff on my back like a mule; second Spain just did not call to
me. G returned home with tales of his
travels along the Camino which sounded absolutely wonderful; for him. The Camino slowly slipped into the background
and our lives went on until 2005 when went to the emergency room and was
diagnosed with cancer.
This event brought about my excitation of a dream
I had for a very long time. My dream was
to travel to England follow the path of King Arthur and find my family. In 2006 I made my trip to England which
turned out to be a very spiritual adventure.
I found my family in England, then in Austria, travel the roads of King
Arthur, and found the air field my father flew out of during WWII, traveled to
France and continued to do so for the next six years. Last year I found my trip lacking, no spiritual
insight, that was until I boarded the plane home. It was when I found the spiritual part of
this year’s trip. I began to understand
that although I had completed almost all the things my soul requested I search
for there was more to do.
Up on return the Camino began to show up
again. Gary, from time to time, mentioned
his wanting to walk it again. I had met
Ainhoa my first year in England and she asks from time to time when I’m coming
to Basque Country. I have just written
her on Facebook to let her know I’m thinking of coming. That’s
not the truth I’m being drawn to ride the Camino. Recently a new move was released called The
Way. It is about walking the Camino and
is a wonderful movie.
This year will be my seventh year to travel to
England and Europe. Last year I was left
with a feeling that had accomplished all that I had wished, yet there was still
this pull in me to return. And, return I will with a new adventure in
mind and as before there will be not planning, no training, no nothing but the
DOING! This is the beginning of my 2012
travel journal and my road to traveling The Camino de Santiago de Compostela (The Way of
St James).
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
DEPRESSION
Days
go by slowly when you are moving about, but accomplishing absolutely nothing,
The vagueness of it all becomes a comfortable bed to lie in, Do not attempt to
struggle just move along from one moment to the next. Filling each with events of little or no
significant, cold or hot, wet or dry, dark or light, day or night the times are
as one. To look at one’s life like this is to get the impression of total
uselessness and utter frustration were it a possible feeling. But no feelings
are possible since there is a need to put forth some effort in order to be in
contact with them. Things are looked
forward to with no enthusiasm and once arrived at beheld with no wonderment.
One arises not because it’s time to accomplish some preset goal but rather to
do the expected. The expected can be what the person expects or thinks others
expect of the person. It is expected the person will go to work were the
mundane is common place. This person expects to make it through the day without
the necessarily a why; things just are.
If
another body happens to be lying in a shared bed upon arising it is noticed
with indifference. When one is not there no expectation for sex is felt and
that is fine. Eating is done for the sake of stopping the gas pains in the
stomach, but the excitement of different tastes is elusive.
Many
people pass before vacant eyes as one. Noticing only a certain few for a moment
they are then quickly forgotten. Things are done in a series of prerecorded
steps which never change. Showers, not baths, are done in ritualistic manner
like preparing for a sacrifice. Each day there is a sense that the person is
offering their body for sacrifice on the altar of insincerity which is relieved
daily without notice. The possibility is
that small parts which make the whole have died leaving an empty shell which
must wait until the correct chronological time to die comes.
There
are goals which are vague and somewhere ahead. There are so many that they run
together each looking for attention like several puppies might each wanting to
be petted. As a goal gains attention it
is followed until sidetracked, by some vague thought, then another takes its
place. In this way none are ever reached
and many reasons for ''why'' can be found. Career is a thing of the past and offers
an indefinite future. Others who pursue such an exacting mistress are mocked
with a knowing sneer. This mistress, like the spell drugs of addiction cast, is
difficult to become disentangled from once enchanted. Yet there are those who, through
circumstances, are thrown by the wayside never again to be in its company.
Strive as one might there is no regaining that particular bed ever again. Each
day is a long search for a way back into the arms which will never again
enfold. Soon the searcher becomes cynical and unfeeling. Of course this elusive
mistress is not the only one that has the ability to place you in living limbo.
Faded
memories of those who once arose passion, and then moved on, float daily
through his mind. Reflection is rejected and replaced with a guard so
impregnable even the one who created it cannot get through. So love is a memory stirred only by late show
movies which now seem trite where once they were the meaning of life. The magic
moment never comes, and happily ever after is the most hideous of jokes. New
people move in to positions created by memories and because they do not fit
pass from view. No remorse sets in any longer at the passing of those who were
briefly part of this so called life. Life denotes animation and involvement which
are things vaguely remembered when picture albums are reviewed with cold
squinting eyes. What is seen is registered only as points in time. The original
significant emotion reached to each lies deeply buried in the cemetery within a
mind guarded by never ending walls. The vicarious thrills of a movie or TV
program has no connection to life events and are as faded as clothes awaiting
cleaning in commercials.
His
eyes look deep into others unknowingly searching for the spark which may to
ignite spontaneity. There may be hope that a small glowing ember would again
kindle the flame of caring. This hope is not conscious but rather in a
catatonic state and if the ember by chance did come near it is doubtful it would
be recognized or responded to.
How
does one reach such a state?
THE WAY THINGS ARE...WHY?
When l returned to school, at the age
of forty, I was already ''older then dirt'' Most of the time I found myself
being asked for wisdom by younger classmates, In most classes there seemed to
be this belief that Carl had the answers, or should have them, or would get
them, I found some professors who would profess ultimate knowledge of why we,
each one of us, act/behave, think, feel, react, believe, etc., etc., the way we
do. Many exhibited various forms of distress at my seeming threat to their
leadership role after all I was only a ''student'' and a freshman at that. Many
of my young freshmen peer would sit taking notes imprinting the supposed
knowledge these professors would expound into their memory banks. It seemed to
me that the information speech had not been changed or updated in a very long
time. Each person seemed to believe, without question, the information given by
this all powerful giver of candle light.
One or two in the class would,
attempted to let sun light in by question using the ''why'' to the knowledge
givers, But, in order to receive the grade needed to pass, one did not question
beyond what was clearly acceptable to the professor, Slowly their individually
alike boxes were being formed about them; creativity stifled, The ideas passed
on in class after class offer views of how to correct the problems of
Twenty-first century humans based mostly on Nineteenth century ideas.
Expectations of how a person is to act were formed, according to what label is
applied. The label (diagnosis at times) does not insure recovery from a
particular dysfunction, and the label may perpetuate the prognosis.
Depression, as an example, may have
several epidemiological beginnings
yet the depressed person is, in order to be labeled (diagnosed) depressed, must
display certain behavioral criteria. Once an acceptable, to managed care
companies, diagnosis is made ''treatment'' can begin. Overtime these criteria
will either continue which will mean more treatment, or abate which will mean a
cure has been achieved. This is the basis for the medical model of wellness.
There is only one way a person can
get influenza and that is by being infected by the virus. If someone were to be
infected by an influenza virus they would be treated in a specific way. There
are not many cures for one particular disease. So each person who contracts an
influenza virus can expect to be treated the same way, Since mental Illness can
have many entomologic beginnings how can people with mental health problems all
be treated the same? Chemotherapy has replaced behavior therapy and
psychotherapy due to increased case load and cost of patient care. Warehousing
(mental institutions) was societies answer to giving rid of those that are
undesirable and cannot be boxed. This practice in effect for hundreds of years
ended in the nineteen seventies. Now we call them the ''Homeless'' and use bus
therapy on them.
These quick fix, band-aiding, of
those who suffer must be stopped and it is time to stop the oppression of those
who are different.
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